Welcome to the third day of round of 16 play in the Philosophers World Cup. After the completion of these matches, the quarter-final matchups for the top half of the draw will be all set. Today features fearsome France taking on a tricky Iranian side, and tournament-favorites Germany trying to ease past a theologian-laden Russian team. Match reports and a recap follow after the break. As always, refer to the introduction for an explanation of this series.
France vs Iran
France are the favorites to advance to the quarter-finals, but Iran are feeling confident despite their struggles in the group stage.
First Half: Denis Diderot (FRA) vs Hossein Nasr (IRI)
Nasr performs better than expected, Diderot uses his encyclopedic knowledge of the football pitch to see France to two first half goals. France begins mentally preparing for their next round match.
First Half Goals: France 2
Second Half: Auguste Comte (FRA) vs Nasir al-Din Tusi (IRI)
Iran begin the half is substandard fashion, allowing France to score an early goal. Despite being somewhat mentally checked out by this point in the match, Auguste Comte continues liberally scoring goals on the badly outmatched Iranians. This result surprised no one and is widely seen as a mere appetizer to the main course that the matchup of France and Germany with serve in the quarter-finals.
Second Half Goals: France 2
France 4:0 Iran
Germany vs Russia
France have done their part to ensure that the quarter-final match that everyone has been anticipating takes place. Now, it is up to the Germans to uphold their end of the bargain. Standing in their way is the sanctimonious Russians, who upset Belgium in the group stage and are not to be treated lightly.
First Half: Jürgen Habermas (GER) vs Nikolay Chernyshevsky (RUS)
Germany goes with the contemporary king of the Frankfurt School to begin that match. Habermas performs well in the public sphere and quickly burns the utopian socialist Nikolay Chernyshevsky for two goals.
First Half Goals: Germany 2
Second Half: Walter Benjamin (GER) vs Nikolai Berdyaev (RUS)
Russia needs a miracle to get back in this match and so naturally turns to a theologian. Germany commits full to their Frankfurt School strategy and calls a number of set pieces featuring Walter Benjamin. Russia’s miracle never comes, perhaps owing to the football object losing its aura and becoming divorced from its religious/mythic context in modern society. Benjamin is very much the man in form, scoring two goals off of headers. Germany wins big and look forward to their match against arch-rival France.
Second Half Goals: Germany 2
Germany 4:0 Russia
Results went as expected today with two of the best teams in the tournament advancing to the quarter-finals thanks to blowout wins. Germany have allowed only one goal all tournament while France has allowed but two. Both sides have scored 15 and have won each of their four matches. Regardless of who wins, fans should be in for an absolute treat of a match, especially those into continental philosophy. Iran exit this Philosophers World Cup as the worst team to have advanced beyond the group stage due to their -7 goal differential. Russia also have finished with a negative goal differential , however the Russian philosophers can hold their heads high having score 7 points in the group stage.
Complete knockout round bracket can be viewed here.