Welcome to the ninth day of the Philosophers World Cup. Today’s matches include Italy vs Costa Rica, Switzerland vs France, and Honduras vs Ecuador. Below, you can find match reports and scores. As always, refer to the introduction for what this feature series is about.
Italy vs Costa Rica
First Half: Thomas Aquinas (ITA) vs Claudio Gutierrez (CRC)
Italy is not joking around in the first half, calling up several set pieces featuring the godly aerial talents of St. Thomas Aquinas. The Patron Saint of philosophy is unstoppable in the first half. All Costa Rica can do is stand back and watch awe as Aquinas scores two goals early. Soon after, Italy pulls back and adopts a conservative strategy, comfortable with their first half lead.
First Half Goals: Italy 2
Second Half: Umberto Eco (ITA) vs Aquileo J. Echeverría (CRC)
Italy refuses to letup in the second half, looking to ensure they will finish atop Group D. They now turn to one of their star modern minds, the novelist and semiotician Umberto Eco. Again, Costa Rica is helpless as Italy adds to their already neigh-insurmountable lead.
Second Half Goals: Italy 2
Italy 4:0 Costa Rica
Switzerland vs France
Switzerland needs a win to have a realistic chance of advancing thanks to their 4-0 drubbing at the hands of Ecuador.
First Half: Jacob Burckhardt (SUI) vs Michel Foucault (FRA)
Two of the most influential minds in the development of modern academia—the cultural historian Jacob Burckhardt and the philosopher of power relations, Michel Foucault—will determine the score after the first half. Burckhardt would be able to prevent most players in this tournament from scoring goals, but Foucault is simply a class above typical competition, even at this elite level. Foucault goes on to score two goals as the Swiss begin sensing their World Cup dreams coming to an end.
First Half Goals: France 2
Second Half: Jean-Jacques Rousseau (FRA) vs Voltaire (FRA)
A dream matchup emerges in the second half. Rousseau and Voltaire hated each other in life, and one expects this to carry over onto the pitch. The cynicism of Voltaire is unable to keep pace with Rousseau, who scores two goals before the 70th minute and revives Swiss hopes of advancing. However, a late penalty sees Voltaire net a goal that gives France the lead. As the whistle blows, the Swiss hang their heads in defeat. They never expected to go home this early, but without a miracle performance by Honduras, they will be eliminated.
Second Half Goals: Switzerland 2, France 1
Switzerland 2:3 France
Honduras vs Ecuador
All Ecuador needs is a single point to clinch its spot in the knockout stage. Honduras must win to keep its chances alive.
First Half: Augusto Coello (HON) vs Juan Montalvo (ECU)
Honduras is totally outplayed during the first half. Ecuador is only able to score a single goal despite the plethora of shots on goal that they had. After the first half, both Honduras and Switzerland are still in the World Cup.
First Half Goals: Ecuador 1
Second Half: Oscar Andrés Rodríguez Maradiaga (HON) vs Gonzalo Rubio Orbe (ECU)
The second half plays out much like the first. Ecuador plays very conservatively, leaning principally on historian Orbe to manage their counterattacks. Honduras is rarely able to advance to the final third of the pitch though, and the only time they manage to take a shot on goal, Ecuador scores on a counterattack. Ecuador wins and advances to the knockout stage, Honduras is eliminated, Switzerland is eliminated. This is the Philosophers World Cup equivalent of Spain losing in the FIFA World Cup group stage.
Second Half Goals: Ecuador 1
Honduras 0:2 Ecuador
Italy did not need to play a lowly Costa Rican side as tough as they did today. By doing so Italy have a firm grasp of first position in Group D, but at the cost of two of their premiere theorists who might have been better being saved for the knockout round. With their loss, Costa Rica are eliminated from the Cup. Elsewhere, Ecuador, despite not bring able to field a complete squad of 11 theorists, will advance to the knockout stage. France is also advancing, but that was expected. The France-Ecuador match, which was thought to be inconsequential before the tournament started, will now determine the winner of Group E. All of the talented minds in Switzerland were unable to place second in a group that included Ecuador and Honduras all because of their opening round missteps. The Announcement of mass sackings at the highest levels of the Swiss Philosophers Football Association is anticipated as early as tomorrow morning.
Relevant Group Standings
Italy 6 pts, +5
England 3 pts, +2
Uruguay 3 pts, +1
Costa Rica 0 pts, -8
Ecuador 6 pts, +6
France 6 pts, +5
Switzerland 0 pts, -5
Honduras 0 pts, -6
Complete group standings can be viewed here.